Why Am I Doing This??

Why am I doing this? I’ve asked myself this very question over and over again. There are so many, many reasons not to do this crazy diet called GAPS. The work, the smells, the mess, the fear, the heartache, the sourcing of foods, the lack of mainstream medical support. Did I mention the smells? There are so many reasons to leave GAPS and go back to what we were doing before, when my son could have chips and cereal and candy and muffins and crunchy yummy goodies. Every day, at least 3 times a day, I question the path I have chosen to take, the path of healing. Every day I feel my strength waver. Every tantrum where Carter cries for food. Every time he eats yet another unsafe food left out on the counter or stolen from the garbage. Every time he asks, “What me having for dessert mommy?” Why am I doing this?

Christmas night I was talking to Carter’s Great Aunt and his Grandma, who see Carter on a regular basis, but who do not read the blog. They haven’t heard me talk about the scariness of watching Carter wither away or very real truth that Carter was dying a little more every day. It’s much easier to type those words than it is to speak them which is why I started this blog in the beginning. I still can barely utter the words, Carter was dying, but I can type them. So they did not know how dire the situation was because I didn’t talk about it. When they asked how he was doing, I always said he was ok.

So as we were sitting around the Christmas tree watching Carter play with his brothers and his cousins, his Aunt commented on how good Carter looked and how happily he was playing, that his eyes were clearer and shining, that his face was full and pink. And then his Grandma said something that still brings tears to my eyes. “He’s not lethargic anymore and his eyes aren’t sunken in like they used to be. He looks so much healthier”.

They have seen the difference in this little boy. They have seen him transform into a healthy, vibrant toddler. This is why I am doing this, not just to heal him, but to save his life. It was by far, the best Christmas present of the night.

Before GAPS Feburary 23, 2011

Before GAPS June 18, 2011

Before GAPS March 6, 2011
Dark circles and puffy eyes

First Day of GAPS October 28, 2011

After GAPS November 25, 2011

After GAPS Decmeber 1, 2011
The Dark circles and puffiness are gone!

The Pumpkin Project

After some experimenting, and some great suggestions, Thanks M!!, I finally have a pumpkin processing system that works! Wait, do you know about my pumpkin craziness? I bought almost 90 pumpkins several weeks ago. Pumpkins are only available fresh until Christmas, at the latest. Seeing that they make up half of Carter's current diet and canned pumpkin while having less nutritional value, is also at risk for soy contamination due to the can linings, we needed pumpkin!

A Truck Full Of  Organic Sugar Pie Pumpkins

 Step 1: Roast the pumpkins whole! This saved me a lot of time, as I was cutting them first. And if you've ever tried to cut one of these suckers in half, well it's not a fun task! I coated them in coconut oil. Just a tiny amount. I put too much on the first time and it melted of and smoked up the oven. It needs just a light coat.
Edited on Feb.15, 2012: The coconut oil is optional. I have been doing it sucessfully without this step.
Line a cookie sheet with foil and place it on one rack to catch any juice that make coat out.. Place the pumpkins on the next rack, directly on the rack, and turn the oven to 350. Roast them for 90 minutes. At least for my oven anyway. Once they've cooled enough to touch them, take them out of the oven.

Roasted Pumpkins. So Pretty!

 Once they are cool enough to handle, remove the skin.You can tell they've cooked long enough because the skin separates from the flesh. Makes it super easy to remove the skins!

 Next, slice the pumpkins in half. They cut like melted butter. No fighting them or worrying about losing a finger. The seeds scoop right out. Place them in a bowl and save them for roasted pumpkin seeds or pumpkin seed flour.

This is the what the pumpkin looks like once the skin and the seeds are removed. The flesh is nice and soft all the way through.

Next, chop up the pumpkin into smaller pieces to fit in the blender, or use your hands. At this point, you're covered in pumpkin anyway!

 I add a little water and blend away!! Carter won't eat the pumpkin puree if it's the slightest bit chunky or stringy, so I puree it until it's nice and smooth.

Presto!! 10 bags of pumpkin puree from 6 pumpkins!! Ready to go in the freezer or into Carter's tummy!

One note about picking your pumpkins, don't skimp! These were organic sugar pie pumpkins from Whole Foods. I originally bought cheaper pumpkins, but they didn't have nearly as much flesh. These have almost double the flesh as the ones I previously bought. Ask your produce department to cut open a pumpkin for you (which should be comical to watch) and check the thickness of the flesh. The thicker the flesh, the better the taste!

I've got 6 more pumpkins in the oven, and 5 more crates outside, so if you see orange in my hair or on my shirt, my pants or my shoes, don't be surprised!!

Neck and Neck

We have 2 new safe foods! Butternut squash and Venison! In my desperation to find another veggie before the pumpkin season was over, we tried butternut. Carter loves it and has declared it pumpkin with honey. So now we have 2 safe veggies, one of which I can get year round. I have even found the butternut in the freezer section. We have received the venison from family and friends and are so fortunate to have meat for carte that is truly wild. We were also given Pheasant and Goose! Two points for Carter!!

We tried chicken broth again and his system still isn’t ready for grain fed broths. The chickens were soy and corn free, but still fed grain. Carter ended up with upper respiratory issues that are finally starting to resolve themselves. One point for FPIES!

We have almost 300 pounds of pumpkin in our garage waiting to be cut, cleaned, baked and pureed. The produce manager said that he was only able to get them until Christmas last year, so we bough them out. At Carter’s current rate of 2 pumpkins a day, we needed all we could get. I call this one a draw. We were lucky enough to find pumpkin locally, but it’s a lot of work to process that much pumpkin.

Our kitchen is still on lockdown. Carter is no longer allowed to be left alone in the kitchen, even for a minute, even if I think it’s safe. He’s gotten very good at moving very fast and very quietly to get to food. He moved the stool, chair and bar stool over to the pantry and chowed down on some yummy cheese filled crumble coffee cake. All this within 5 minutes. I took this picture after we'd cleaned him all up. He is a sneaky one!

His body hasn’t had sugar in over a month and he didn’t know what to do with it. He ended up with a “Sugar Rage”, screaming and tantruming and completely out of control. Once that subsided, the tummy pains, loose diapers and gas started. It took 5 days for that to clear. He has also discovered the garbage can and sneaks food out of it. The last one was peanut butter. It caused enough of a reaction to move peanut butter to the unsafe list, it bordered on IgE. He had respiratory symptoms within the hour that lasted through the night. The horrible, drowning cough . . . It was organic, natural peanut butter so we won’t be trying peanuts anytime soon! Two points for FPIES. Carter – 2, FPIES – 3.

When Carter is eating what he is supposed to, we’ve noticed a wonderful change; HE TALKS! He talks in full sentences with new words every day and concepts that just blow me away. We asked him the other day what he wanted from Santa. Toys? Books? Movies? No, he wants Santa to come for dinner and sit right by him and he also wants a hug and a kiss from Santa. It truly is a pleasure to hear his little voice and it makes me fight that much harder to make sure our home is safe for him. One point for Carter. Carter – 3, FPIES – 3.

And that really is where we are right now, Carter and FPIES, neck and neck in the war to keep him healthy. Some battles we win and some we lose, but we keep fighting, determined to heal our little boy!

Cauliflower Part 2

Ok, where did I leave off? Oh, yes. Carter was sleeping peacefully . . . until 8:30. He woke up withering in pain. I brought him downstairs and he just laid his head on my chest, drew his knees up into the fetal position and kept pushing on his tummy. There were a couple, “My tummy hurts” and then it happened. A full stomach emptying vomit session. Even at a moment like this, Carter still managed to make us both laugh. “Plu-yuck! It doesn’t taste good!” Followed by, “I feel better” with a big smile on his face.  How I love this little boy!

You may be asking how I knew it was an FPIES reaction and not the start of the flu or a stomach bug. There are two things for Carter that are a dead giveaway. The first one is his mood after he throws up. He is immediately happy. He throws up and then starts jabbering away as if nothing even happened. The second giveaway is the up and down cycling his body does. Sometimes he may only throw up once, but his body cycles between a happy jabbering UP and a lethargic, unresponsive DOWN. It is as if his body is fighting itself, trying to find the balance again.

Carter ended up in the shower with Daddy. I went in to check on them, and Eric said I needed to look at Carter’s belly because something didn’t look right. When Daddy gets concerned, I know there’s something wrong! Carter’s belly was HUGE! It was descended and his belly button had gone from and innie to an outie. I have never seen his tummy so swollen! I later learned that the sweet, fermented smell of the vomit and the swollen stomach are from the candida overgrowth in his system. The very thing that we are trying to kill off using the GAPS diet. The candida literally started to ferment the offending food, producing an enormous amount of gas.

His stomach stayed that way for almost 3 days and the dumping diarrhea continued for 2. All of this from cauliflower. Less than a quarter of a cup eaten over 3 days. But there is good news!!! If we had trialed cauliflower before the introduction of the GAPS diet, I am sure we would have ended up in the ER and would probably still be there, trying to keep him hydrated. I am amazed at the difference we have seen in only 3 short weeks. The hard work is paying off!

Bye Bye Carrot. Bye Bye Cauliflower!

It’s been 3 weeks since we started Carter’s journey of healing. We have learned a lot about his body, the way he reacts to foods and the overall state he was in before we started GAPS. Before we started, he didn’t know what it felt like to be hungry. I had no idea this was the case until he started to complain about tummy pain right around mealtime. He didn’t know that the pain he was feeling was his body telling him he was hungry. He is learning now to ask for food. He is learning to be hungry.

It took me a week to make this realization. Carter has NEVER touched food that wasn’t his. He’s NEVER gone into the fridge or freezer or pantry looking for food. He’s NEVER stolen food off of someone else’s plate . . . Until last week. I found him, freezer open, eating a frozen waffle. He stole a cookie off the counter. He opened up Tupperware sitting on the island and ate some food. He took leftover chicken nuggets off his brother’s plate and ate them.  It was an FPIES disaster! Food he has never even looked twice at, he was now desperate to eat. We had a classic vomiting reaction from all the junk he got his hands on, we were all a mess. But it helped me to realize that he needed to eat much more frequently than I realized. He now eats every 2 hours, which amounts to one pound of beef and 2 small pumpkins a day!

We also had 2 fails: Carrot and Cauliflower. Carrot was an uncertain food from many months ago. It used to pass through undigested, but I was hopeful that time had changed that. I was wrong. They were causing low level inflammation as evident from his bright orange and mucousy diapers. So we pulled carrot.

Cauliflower seemed like a safe choice. Low sugar content. And he’s never had it before. 2 big pluses. We introduced it boiled and pureed. He did not want to try it. He took one tiny taste and then refused the rest, going so far as to wipe his hands off immediately if any of the cauliflower got on his fingers. He had his first serving on Saturday. Sunday I mixed it in with his beef and got him to eat some more. Today Carter was obviously hungry and sat down at the table to eat dinner. I gave him the same thing he had for lunch: Beef mixed with cauliflower. He looked at it and screamed. He refused to eat it. It took almost 15 minutes before he finally ate, due to a large addition of salt. Half an hour later, we were greeted with a #3 or poop soup, as a good friend calls it. It happened over an hour ago and the smell is still lingering in the house, a mix of cauliflower and death.

Carter had some obvious tummy pain along with an escalation of cranky’s and clingy’s today, but he’s sleeping peacefully for now. Needless to say, we have pulled cauliflower and he will not be eating it again. Makes me wonder, was the flat out refusal to eat his dinner tonight because he knew the cauliflower was bothering his tummy?

Today is Day 6!

So we have reached Day 6 of the GAPS intro diet. Did I mention that it would get worse before it got better? That’s where we have been for the last four days. Day 3 began with Carter refusing anything, including water. We ended up syringe feeding him some broth and water just to keep him hydrated. He was tired, weak and clingy. By Monday, he hadn’t pooped and it had been 4 days. It is important that his system cleans itself out. That is the biggest way the body expels all the candida (yeast) overgrowth that has taken over his body. So what did that mean? It meant an enema. Clearly not an experience anyone wants to have with a 2 year old, especially when they aren’t feeling well. It was an experience that Eric and I will never forget, but one that I hope Carter forgets quickly. It brought us all to tears. On the plus side, the enema did its job and cleared him out.

He was crying that his tummy hurt, but still refusing water. Carter normally loves water. Did I also mention that he’s stubborn? Eric suggested we add honey to his water, which is GAPS approved, but not recommended at this point in the diet. We were desperate. Carter needed fluids. I made him a bottle of water and honey. I will never forget the image of Eric sitting in the bottom of the shower rocking our little Car Bean and feeding him a bottle of honey water. It broke me and yet strengthened me all at the same time.

We continued to give Carter bottles of honey water, but started to change the ratio. He is now taking 25% water and 75% chicken broth with just a tiny bit of honey. He was up a lot last night, but it was ok because he was drinking his “honey” as Carter calls it. 2 sets of jammies, 3 soaked diapers and 4 bottles all in a four hour period. But he is drinking!!

Carter also went to preschool yesterday. He was tired most of the day and didn’t want to drink anything, but he did eat some boiled carrots! More nutrition in his body! And he loved getting the extra snuggles from his teacher and the preschool director. They have been amazing in the willingness to walk this road with us and with Carter. At every turn, when I expected them to say that we are asking too much of them, they instead pull us closer, help hold us up and   continue to persevere on this journey.

He is tolerating beef broth and meat, chicken broth, pumpkin and now maybe even carrots.  What will tomorrow hold for Carter? I do not know, but I am certain it WILL be worth it in the end!

GAPS Day 2

It has been an exciting 2 days over here! Day 1 of Carter's complete food transformation began well. He drank his broth and asked for more. It went far better than we had hoped. I was afraid he would refuse everything. I pureed some boiled pumpkin into his beef broth and he had pumpkin soup! His favorite meal of the day, and the most bizarre, was his Beef Frosting. Some of the fat from the broth began to cool around the edges of his cup, and the fat's super good stuff for him! I scooped it out with a spatula and he ate it right up! It looked like a kid eating frosting off a spatula!! New Food: Beef Frosting!! The night was uneventful and all in all it was a pretty mellow day. We even got to visit the farm that is supplying our beef.

Happy boy eating his pumpkin soup!

Today was certainly harder. He woke up refusing to eat or drink anything. He didn't want broth or soup or water. He wanted cereal and coconut milk, both of which he cannot have anymore. I tried chicken broth, which is more palatable. No go. I tried pumpkin, which he loved yesterday. Wouldn't touch it.  It was an uphill battle all morning. I decided to take the boiled liver and some other funky pieces of beef and puree it with some beef broth. I was hoping he would take at least one spoonful to get some nutrition in him. He not only ate the first spoonful, and then a second and a third; he devoured almost half a cup! New food of the day, Beef Pate! I am not sure yet, how this will all sit with him tonight. He is experiencing die off symptoms, as his body begins to rid itself of all the toxins and funk that have kept him from thriving. He's had headaches all day and just wanted to be held. The hardest part was hearing him say, "I'm hungry. I want eat".Yummy beef pate!

I knew these first days would be tough, but I also know that he's eating real food and as a great friend said today, Short term  for a lifetime of eating. I bought several new cups and even a bottle,  to find a way to get him to drink and stay hydrated. We even found one with his name on it! And I think my hands will smell of broth for months!

We had a warm baking soda bath, read a story and had some real giggles! Let's see what tomorrow brings!