Why Am I Doing This??

Why am I doing this? I’ve asked myself this very question over and over again. There are so many, many reasons not to do this crazy diet called GAPS. The work, the smells, the mess, the fear, the heartache, the sourcing of foods, the lack of mainstream medical support. Did I mention the smells? There are so many reasons to leave GAPS and go back to what we were doing before, when my son could have chips and cereal and candy and muffins and crunchy yummy goodies. Every day, at least 3 times a day, I question the path I have chosen to take, the path of healing. Every day I feel my strength waver. Every tantrum where Carter cries for food. Every time he eats yet another unsafe food left out on the counter or stolen from the garbage. Every time he asks, “What me having for dessert mommy?” Why am I doing this?

Christmas night I was talking to Carter’s Great Aunt and his Grandma, who see Carter on a regular basis, but who do not read the blog. They haven’t heard me talk about the scariness of watching Carter wither away or very real truth that Carter was dying a little more every day. It’s much easier to type those words than it is to speak them which is why I started this blog in the beginning. I still can barely utter the words, Carter was dying, but I can type them. So they did not know how dire the situation was because I didn’t talk about it. When they asked how he was doing, I always said he was ok.

So as we were sitting around the Christmas tree watching Carter play with his brothers and his cousins, his Aunt commented on how good Carter looked and how happily he was playing, that his eyes were clearer and shining, that his face was full and pink. And then his Grandma said something that still brings tears to my eyes. “He’s not lethargic anymore and his eyes aren’t sunken in like they used to be. He looks so much healthier”.

They have seen the difference in this little boy. They have seen him transform into a healthy, vibrant toddler. This is why I am doing this, not just to heal him, but to save his life. It was by far, the best Christmas present of the night.

Before GAPS Feburary 23, 2011

Before GAPS June 18, 2011

Before GAPS March 6, 2011
Dark circles and puffy eyes

First Day of GAPS October 28, 2011

After GAPS November 25, 2011

After GAPS Decmeber 1, 2011
The Dark circles and puffiness are gone!