After 575 days on GAPS, Carter is offically healed. Now he eats everything!

After 575 days on GAPS, Carter is offically healed. Now he eats everything! Well almost everything! He's still eating a real food/non processed diet for the most part and we will stay away from soy in all forms and cauliflower, mainly because Mommy is still scared of those foods. We are sticking with the 80/20 ratio of foods because now he can indulge in a cheat every once and awhile and he's just fine!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Darkness

“The darkness is all he’s ever known”. I was having a conversation last weekend about Carter’s personality and whether his happy go-lucky disposition was something he was born with or a coping mechanism he used to adapt to the card Life dealt him. I said at first, that I thought maybe he was this way because he knew how dark life could be, and he had gained an appreciation that takes decades for most people.  “But the darkness is all he’s ever known”. The response resonated within me a truth that I had tried to ignore. Carter’s life had never been filled with the light that fills a newborn’s eyes. His eyes, instead, showed pain and hurt. He didn’t fall asleep knowing the safety of a night’s sleep. Instead, he knew nights filled with tears and fear. I always wondered why he held no grudge against me for allowing his pain to continue, for not being able to make him better. But now I realize, he didn’t know he was supposed to feel any differently. I never understood how he could empty the contents of his stomach over and over, bottle after bottle and still give me a smile that melted my soul. Now I do.
 His world is different than ours. It is probably this way for anyone suffering from a disease, syndrome, illness or any other chronic condition. The only difference is that Carter was born this way. He doesn’t know normal like we do. He has nothing to compare it to, and in some ways, I wonder if that makes him one of the lucky few. Someday, we will find a way to control his FPIES. And he will walk out of the dark for the first time in his life, and he will really feel the light that the rest of us take for granted.

3 comments:

  1. Rebecca- how do you do this?? How do you know exactly the same thing I experienced just today?!! Was talking with a co-worker and remarked the same exact thing...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Theres no denying the mommy connection we have! I thought of you as I wrote this. It was one of the first blogs that made me cry as I wrote.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rebecca, words will never be able to tell you how proud we are of you!! You're strenght thru this day to day fight is amazing. I'm so glad we are here to help and yes you do have the most wonderful little boys !!! Mom

    ReplyDelete