Rediscovered

Several weeks ago I was given the wonderful opportunity to go a 4 day cruise with my best friend. I made arrangements with family and some amazing friends to watch the boys while I was gone. We left on Friday for the 4 hour drive to Long Beach. Shortly after we got on board, I saw the most handsome man. We introduced ourselves and he even bought me a drink. As we started talking, I discovered that not only was he handsome, but he was funny and smart too. We talked about all sorts of things, everything really. There was none of that awkwardness you find in so many conversations. The more we talked, the more deeply I fell for this man. He had the most stunning eyes. I slowly began to forget all about FPIES and formula cost, food safety and calorie counting. By the end of the evening, I’d fallen head over heels for this amazing man.

FPIES has changed many things in my life in ways I could never have imagined. I have lost many things because of it, but I never thought I would have lost touch with my husband. When you go through this day after day, week after week, month after month, you enter into survival mode. Anyone who has ever had a newborn understands this phase of life. But with a newborn, it gradually passes, things get better, life moves on. With FPIES, things don’t get better. Instead, it is constantly one hurdle after another, often with barely enough time to catch your breath.

 Carter is my third child, so my husband and I have weathered the newborn storm and come out of it stronger every time. But chronic illness was a different monster entirely. We stumbled through sleepless nights well beyond the one year mark. Many days Eric would come from work, we would have dinner, spend some family time with the boys, put them to bed and then the game of tag would begin. We would tag IN for a 4 hour session of Carter Watch. When our 4 hours was up, we would tag OUT for some sleep.  We lived this way for months. Our life as husband and wife began to fall behind on our list of priorities. The time for long meaningful talks over a glass of wine after the kids went to bed, was replaced with vomit covered laundry and pure exhaustion. When we got married, I knew I was marrying my best friend, and it was this friendship that united us in our one goal of keeping our baby boy healthy and happy.

On that four day cruise, I left home with my best friend, but I came back with my husband. I rediscovered him and us and all the reasons we fell in love all those years ago.  FPIES has taken away so many things, but it has given it’s share of gifts as well. Because of FPIES, I now have a new found respect and admiration for the strength of love and the solidarity of marriage.  And I know that in the next wave that crashes, I won’t be standing here alone. I will never feel alone in this again.